Tactlessness 101

If you want to be completely tactless, the best way to approach it is to just say any old thing that pops in your head (without thinking about it first of course). Make sure that you say it in a tone of voice (intentionally or not) that exudes a “mocking” feeling and that it’s directed towards someone from whom you want money.

Personal experience. We have a problem at the place where I work. We have disappearing pen syndrome. Historically, I would have to refill the pen jar only once a day, but more recently, a black hole has developed in the bottom of the jar. Either that or we have pen stealing elves. Seriously, I put 3 or 4 new pens in, and 10 minutes later, they’re gone! I now know the reason people tape flowers or forks or bar codes on their pens so they don’t disappear so readily. We don’t have any bar codes, but I’ve been thinking about taping a chair to the pen. Maybe then, we could catch the elves before they escape in victory.

Anyway, so yesterday, a customer came in, ordered some things, borrowed a pen to sign a receipt, and started walking out the door. She stopped, and turned around to return the pen. As she did, I said, “Thanks for not stealing our pen!” I didn’t think it was that bad, but all my coworkers were turning red from holding in the laughter, and she looked at me as if I had said, “your wig is falling off and I hate your mother.” That's the way it goes I guess. Just another day in the life of almost Marylund.

"I am, I am, I am the luckiest"

I know I don't often wax sentimental on my blogy blog, but today, I want to write a wee bit about why I am the luckiest girl in all the world. Seriously, to all the rest of you, sorry. I win.

I am convinced that we are placed in certain situations in our lives so that we can have certain experiences and interact with certain people. I just had no idea how much better that could work out, then I ever could have planned. You see, soon (in 16 days to be exact) I will be getting married. My whole life (actually, for eternity so far) I've been thinking about the person I would marry and what marriage would be like, praying to be worthy of it, and praying for the guy I would someday marry. I have met many a man who I thought was "perfect" in every way. Sure, maybe they weren't 100% punctual or didn't have nice teeth but, hey, I could live with that. When I met Barney, I didn't see that "perfectness" that I thought I had seen with some others. It was easy for me to find his faults and think of all the reasons why it really couldn't work out. That's the first reason why I'm so lucky: Barney is extremely patient with me.

So, we continued dating and courting and then we got engaged. When I finally decided that not only could I, but I wanted to live with him forever, it was for so many reasons that I had never seen before. Now, only a few weeks before the wedding, I realize that Barney is perfect. He's perfect for me. There are hundreds of things that I never realized that I liked or needed or wanted, that he has and does.
That's the second reason: I'm going to marry Mr. Perfect.

Just one story to illustrate how great he is:
This morning, I woke up late (one of my least favorite feelings) and was running around like a banshee, trying to get to work on time. I had told Barney that I was going to do an errand that needed to be done today for our new apartment, but I didn't have time. I called him up, and he said he would take his lunch break, to make up for my sleeping in. What a great guy.

I love you Barney.

The Dentist (need I say more?)

Good news. Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate going to the dentist. Well, hate may be the wrong word. Abhor would be better.

As is my nature, I went to the dentist yesterday to take advantage of my parent's insurance one last time before I'm married and have to pay for it myself. I pretty much was having a nervous breakdown all day--hot and cold flashes, nervous twitches, the whole kablamo. Well, to add to the experience, there was a bit of a car dilemma, and I had to make Barney take off work to drive me out there (admittedly a better idea than me driving in my state of mind).

The breakthrough came when I got there, and all the receptionists and hygienists remembered my name and were super nice, I had no cavities, my dentist, Dr. Francis, was in an extremely good mood (a little too good of a mood due to the fact that he will soon be filleting fish in Alaska) and I didn't hate the experience. It also helped that Barney was there with me.

So, I'm not making any big announcements about actually liking going to the dentist, but I didn't hate it. Wow. I never thought this day would come.

*note: I'm getting married in 20 days!!!

Of Fans, Flatbread and Football

Yesterday (being the celebration of our nation's independence... i.e. July 4th), was a day off of work, responsibilities, and all non-funn-ness. Hence, I lived it up by running a race, watching part of the Parade, eating gelato, going to the Freedom Festival, going out to dinner, and camping out in the backyard--all very fun things. Three quick stories from the Freedom Festival:

Barney and I were wearing our matching Cubs hats, and as we were walking around, a man stopped us to inform us that he was indeed a fellow Cubs fan even though he was from the South side (technically White Sox territory). Funny how little things like a Cubs hat could not only spark conversation, but also form an instant fan club. Barney says he feels the same way when he sees someone using a Mac. For me, chacos do it. Hey look! There's someone wearing chacos! Chaco power! (that's our chaco club cheer)

Along our way we stopped at a flat bread stand. We only stopped because the day previous, I had met the guy running the stand, and he told me that it was the best flat bread in the whole world and had won a bunch of competitions (who would've thought that flat bread competitions existed?) and I believed it because he has 17 children. And come on! Anyone with that many kids means business. Anyway we went and it was good (especially with honey butter in the shape of first a star, then a circle, then an amoeba), but I wouldn't have voted for it at a flat bread competition. That is unless there was no one else competing (which was probably the case).

Our third adventure (that made it into this post for the sake of my alliteration in the title) occurred once again by a fellow Freedom Festival attendant, and once again due to articles of clothing. Barney was wearing a Barcelona soccer jersey, and this cute little (I say "little" because he couldn't have been been more than 5 feet tall) man from Mexico city stopped Barney to tell him about how much he loved the sport and the team. He wasn't making much sense in English, so I busted out my Spanish and we had a nice conversation. He introduced himself as Hermano (brother) Flores and asked about us, our relationship, and left a blessing upon us. It reminded me of this one time several years ago, when a Latin woman was praying over our food, and she left a blessing upon us that we would be fruitful, and procreate a lot. Gotta love the boldness of it.

Well, another blissful day in the life of Maria. I live it and I love it.